I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only you would photoshop your dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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