I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize