I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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