Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize