I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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