he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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