I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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