I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize