you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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