It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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