somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize