please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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