I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so that wasnt chicken after all
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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