Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize