I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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