Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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