So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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