i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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