I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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