when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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