alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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