So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
foreskin is a definite game changer
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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