I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
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Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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