Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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