btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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