More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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