Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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