i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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