Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize