The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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