1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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