11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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