You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize