I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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