literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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