My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize