And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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