I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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