dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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