god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize