I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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