oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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