When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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