I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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