Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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