Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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