Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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