you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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