your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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