pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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